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When I meet
with parents, they are always eager to ask, “What can I do to support you at home?
Is there some homework you can send that I can work on to help my child?” My answer is that we at school work these
kids very hard. We have been trained in
the special methods and programs to help their children succeed academically.
The best way the parents can help is to be the strongest parents they can be
and to work on those things parents are responsible for: teaching daily life
skills and allowing their child to be a kid.
Remember, playing and being a child is a part of learning.
The word “chore”
brings out anxiety in most parents of special needs children. I will get responses from “My child cannot do
any chores,” to “My child likes to lock all the doors at night, so we let
him. That is his chore.” The first thing
I do is define a chore with my parents. A chore is a job that is required to be
done because you are a part of a group, a family, or a class. It is not something you choose to do because
you like it and want to do it. It is
required and there are consequences if it is not done. The second thing I explain is that all kids
can do some sort of chore. It just takes
some creativity and flexibility on standards to find the correct chore for the
child. Chores also have to be taught and practiced before they can be expected
to be done independently. Once these
steps have been done, all parties involved will feel pride at seeing the growth
and responsibility achieved.
What are some
realistic chores that can be expected to start out? Whatever you choose, be specific. Just saying clean your room is too vague and
will leave the child so frustrated they will not be able to start. It would be better to say, put all the toys
in the toy box. Make sure you start out
with just one or two directions at a time.
Setting the table, again, takes many steps, but maybe they can do it
with directions for each step or a check list. Vacuuming a single room is also
a good place to start, but do not expect them to pick things up unless you make
that a step to do first. Remember
breaking everything down into steps is very important. Check with your child’s teacher if you are
not sure how many steps your child can follow at a time. It may help to write the steps down to be
able to see just how many steps activities really have. Just like in that old
school assignment of writing how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich,
there are more steps than you may think.
For some students taking pictures of the steps and placing them in order
can help. I am sure your teacher or OT
would be happy to work with you on developing a chore routine. Remember the goal is a simple chore to teach
responsibility first, then as they develop to teach life skills.
You may be wondering
about kids with physical disabilities.
They can also be taught to do chores.
You might have to adjust your standards, but they love to help out. Dusting is something everyone can do. You might have to remove the items on tables,
but they can dust it. Assisting with
setting or clearing the table is another thing they can do with some
modifications. You can devise some sort
of carrying device so they can push the items to the table once someone else
has put them in a basket. The same
method can be used for trash or laundry.
It takes some thinking outside the box, but the more involved in the
family the more independent and proud they will feel.
Our goal is to
prepare our kids for the future. We need
to look at them and try to see them 15 -20 years down the road. Do we want them to rely on others for
everything or to be as independent as possible? To gain that independence, it
is imperative that they learn to function in a family or group living setting
as an active member, not a passive bystander.
With guidance from caring teachers and parents our kids can reach this
goal.
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