Choices: The Key to Controlling a Situation

   Moments of frustration and power struggles are inevitable with any children.  All kids need to learn boundaries and how to handle the hierarchy of social situations.  For children with special needs this can be especially difficult. Once they decide” this is my stand, I am in charge here;” it can be difficult to move forward.  It is up to you as the adult to decide what the most important lesson is at the moment.  In other words, choosing your battles is extremely important. Unless they are taking charge of the class, or putting themselves in harm’s way, giving them some sense of independence and feeling of control over their lives can be a good thing.  How you do that can either make your life easier or create problems.

   Choices are your friend.  Be sure to give kids two choices and be sure you can live with either choice that is made.  Then stick to your guns until the choice is made and followed through.  I use the visual of my hands when giving choices.  I will put one hand out with one choice and then the other hand out with the other choice and ask the child to choose.  I can repeat the request for as long as it takes.  If the child tries to add a choice or redirect, I state calmly that is not a choice and repeat the request ignoring all other behavior.  The other behavior can be addressed later.

  When dealing with a student with autism, I stay keenly alert for signs of a sensory problem I may have missed earlier that may have triggered the episode.  Sensory problems always override any other behavior.  If I do notice something, I address it with the student.  Once the sensory issue is handled, I go back to the original two choices until the choice is made and the task completed.

  Having the child make a choice may take quite a while the first time.  Have strength and confidence that you are doing the right thing.  The next time it will be shorter and shorter.  Your child will learn that they have control, but in a limited way.  Isn’t that life?  We can choose the car we drive, but have to follow the laws.  We can choose the movie we want to see, but have to choose from the times the theater shows it.  We have limits put on us all the time we must choose from.  When the child is calm this is a lesson that can be directly taught and explained.   Remember during an episode is not the time to go over the lesson.  You and the child need time to think about what happened and calm down before you sit down and figure out what you both can learn from it.

Some examples of choices you can give are below:

Home:

Give two outfits to choose from to get dressed in the morning.

Given two pairs of shoes if your child does not like to get ready to leave.

Do you want to make your bed first or put your toys away first?

Do you want to eat half your vegetables and all your potatoes or all your potatoes and half your vegetables?

School:

You can do this page or this page first

You can do the odds (highlight them one color) first or the evens (highlight them another color) first.

You can choose two problems not to do, but you have to cross them off now.

You can read the directions to me or I can read them to you. 

You can use pencil or pen.

For more information on choice you can start here:

challenging-behavior-the-power-of-choices

ten-things-your-student-with-autism-wishes-you-knew