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It is always a two
edged sword to have a sibling at the same school. You have the reassurance of
knowing you have someone who always has your back, but you also have the teen
anxiety and embarrassments that always seem to follow with family relationships
at this age. Both of these seem to be
amplified when one of the siblings is a special needs child. As a parent and teachers we need to be
sensitive to the siblings to allow them to enjoy their school experience and
develop as normally as possible.
While at home, many siblings take on extra
care and supervisory roles of their special needs siblings. It becomes second nature for these care
takers to seek out their siblings and spend their social time to be sure their
brother or sister has friends and is doing well at school. While to a parent this may be reassuring, it
holds back the care taker sibling from developing friendships and social skills
appropriate to their age group, and it does not allow the special needs child
the independence to grow either. If the Sibling wants to join a Circle of Friends
organization that is great, but their time should be spent with other kids not
their sibling. The idea is to expand the Circle beyond the family and
caretakers.
Public displays of
affection, PDA, are another problem teachers often have to deal with when
siblings of special needs students attend the same school. What might be
acceptable at home is not acceptable in the school setting. It is important to teach our students that
there are appropriate times and places for demonstrating these feelings. This needs to be communicated to the parents
as well, so they understand the expectations and can discuss it at home. What
is cute for a 5-8 year old becomes annoying for a 10-12 year old, and
uncomfortable from a 15-20 year old.
These subtle changes are difficult for our special needs children to
learn, and it is easier for them to master the boundaries that will be expected
from them sooner rather than later.
It is very
important not to hand over your “power” as a teacher or care giver to a parent
or sibling. When in a school setting it may be tempting to call a sibling in to
calm a child who is upset. Once you have
crossed this line, the child learns they can use this behavior to get their
sibling. The sibling is there for their
own education. You are there for the
special needs child. Let the siblings
have their time. If the siblings are
responsible for pick up at the end of the day, that is fine, but until then,
the school day is their time and should be respected as such.
It can be a joy to
have siblings on the same campus. You
get a unique insite into the loving relationships of a family. It is important to respect the development of
both students and individuality of both students in these situations. Get to know the siblings and show interest in
what they are doing. They will appreciate
the attention being showered on them for their own unique personalities.
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For more information on siblings in the same school, you may want to start here:
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