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Everyone has bad
days. Our kids are going to have them too. No matter how hard we try to set up
the best environment, things are going to bother them. It’s going to be a full
moon, the pollen count is going to be high, a disturbance will make the bus
late, or some other unexpected thing will just make the day not go as planned.
On these days it is important to recognize the signs of a child beginning a
crisis and try to avoid it before it become a full out melt-down. If you work in a district where they offer
training in Non-Violent Crisis Prevention or some other form of intervention, I
recommend taking it. They not only teach
strategies for the major breakdowns, but focus mostly on how to avoid these in
the first place. An ounce of prevention
goes a long way.
A child who begins
a meltdown goes through a progression and does not just jump into the full
throws of being out of control. The
sooner you can get the child back to their normal demeanor, the better.
Remember to respect the child’s space and watch your body language. Keep and
open non-threatening stance when addressing the child. Be aware of your voice. Watch your tone,
volume and the speed at which you speak. The first sign is the child questioning you.
If the child is questioning directions or content, answer the question simply
and calmly. Do not engage in a power
struggle even if you know the child knows the information. If the child is
questioning about other things redirect to the task at hand. The next step in the
escalation is refusal. If the child
refuses, set limits: use if then statements or give a time limit and
consequences, but make them clear, reasonable, and enforceable. If the child
begins to escalate farther that is when the meltdown will start, but know you
have tried to avoid it. This is a
summary from The Non-violent Crisis Prevention Program which I recommend1. They go into more of the mindset of both the
caregiver and the student.
These are great
guidelines to follow, but each child you work with will be unique. You will learn to see the signs for each of
what will trigger a melt-down and what can redirect them. I have found that with some of my students on
the Autism spectrum, once they are in a meltdown they have trouble allowing themselves
to break the cycle. Sometimes, they just
need the release from all the pent up anxiety and pressure, but once it has
started it builds and builds and they cannot stop it on their own. In a school
setting always have a second person with you who can get help if needed and
assist you. What I have found to work
with these students is to redirect them to an activity and hold the demand to
them. I know they are ready for this
when they can follow three simple directions such as touch your nose, touch your
head, touch your shoulders. If they can
stop and follow that then I try them on a work related task. I give them something very simple that does
not take much thought, but is almost automatic: simple addition, writing the
alphabet, something of that nature. They
may start and then resume some of the negative behavior, but keep with the
single demand phrased the same each time ( i.e. “Do your math”) until they
focus on the work. Give praise while the work is being done. Do not grade, correct, or criticize the
work. This is just an exercise on
refocusing and regaining composure. Do not try to find out the cause of the
meltdown, just focus on redirection and praise of the task. It may take a few
tasks to become fully calm. A meltdown is
exhausting for a child, so you might want to offer a drink and restroom break
once the occurrence is over. This is hard on you as well, remember to take a
minute for yourself to rest and refocus. Have the child help get the room back
in order if anything was disturbed. Then decide if it is a good time to talk
about what happened, or if it is better to let the child know that it was not
OK to do that, but you will talk about it later when they are feeling better. Then try to get back to your regular
activities.
Taking time to go
over the events is an important part of the process for the child and for the
caregivers. The child needs help
processing what caused them to break down so they can have tools to avoid it in
the future, while the caregivers need to process it so they can discuss how
they handled the situation, decide what worked and what didn't, and improve for
the future. When talking to the child,
assist the child in determining the emotions they were feeling. Using emotion
cards and pictures can help. Role playing better ways of coping with these
feelings is a wonderful way to teach dealing with emotions. I feel _____
because________I want ____________________is a great tool. Giving a consequence for a meltdown is
something necessary as well. They need
to know that if they do not follow directions and use their words and therefore
disrupt others there will be consequences.
Make the consequences reasonable and immediate. Being grounded from recess for a week will
not affect them because by the end of the week they do not know why they are
missing recess. I use not sitting with friends at lunch or ice-cream at lunch
quite a bit. Then we move on. Make sure to explain that a consequence is given
so that the next time they stop and think, “I didn't like missing my ice-cream.
Do I want to miss ice-cream again? Should I stop?” You need to model this
thought process each time or consequences will not work. Remember, give consequences when you are
calm, not upset, they are to teach the child not punish.
It may not be possible
to avoid every meltdown, but with time and patience they can be made a little
easier to handle. Everyone has bad
days. We need to remember our kids have
them too and they have fewer skills at handling them. It is our job to coach them through it.
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