Holiday Guest: Little Preparation Can Add to the Joy

                Holiday time can be stressful for anyone. When you have a child with special needs, the stress multiplies. The idea of having so many different, often new, faces around your child can add anxiety to any family event.  I came across this with my own children, and they are not special needs.  I had taught my children they do not have to give anyone a hug and kiss or accept one from anyone if they do not feel comfortable.  As you can imagine, this did not go over very well with some family members.  My thinking was that we spend so much time telling them how to say no about physical contact, they should always have that right.  Looking back, there were some things I could have done to make things go smoother.  I want to share those with you.

      The world has changed greatly over the past two generations.  It used to be that extended families all lived in the same towns and neighborhoods.  This is no longer the case.  Often times when family gets together, children are meeting family members for the first time or do not remember the last time they were together.  To these children, the family members are strangers.  In their minds, we do not hug and kiss strangers.  They have been taught to stay away from strangers.  It takes time to make friends and get to know these people. This can be a tough concept for some family members to accept. Be sure to explain this to your visitors before you get together. Take time to tell them what kind of relationship and reaction they can expect from your child.  Set up boundaries before they come.  Explain to them that these are not permanent, but if they want a good relationship with your child, this is the best way to build it.  Let your family know you will be doing some work with your child ahead of time to help quicken the process along. Hopefully this will make everyone understand and work together.

     Before everyone gets together, do some homework with your child to prepare them and have them get to know the people who are coming.  In this way they will not seem like strangers the first time they meet.  Find pictures of everyone who will be getting together so that faces will be familiar.  Tell your child stories about each of the people.  Help your child get to know what kind of person each family member is.  Be sure to keep your own feelings out of the stories if there is any bad blood and keep things positive.  You are working to make this experience as positive as possible.  Have your child talk to people on the phone or better yet face time when possible.  Take the time to do some relationship building before to make the holidays stronger than ever when they roll around.