Do Not Cross the Enabler Line

     When you are a care giver or teacher of a special needs child, you walk a fine line between facilitator and enabler.  It is important not to cross that line.  It is our job to teach our children how to be as independent as possible for their well being as adults when we are not there all the time.  It may be easier, in the moment, to erase the paper for them, but is that really the best thing for that child in the long run?  Did you just take away the child’s sense of independence? Did you take away an opportunity to exercise that muscle group?  Did you take away the feeling that mistakes are ok, and the child can fix his own mistakes?  Remember every small ripple in the pond radiates outward.

    I do not want to make it sound like I myself have not been guilty of picking up the eraser or cutting the paper for the student for the sake of moving the class along, but I do want to make us all think of what we are doing in the big picture.  There are so many times in the day that we as nurturers do things for our kids that they themselves could and should be doing for themselves.  We need to take a step back and try to encourage them to do as much as possible now while we are there to support them and guide them.  It is so much less awkward for a school age child to learn how to tie their shoes than it is for an adult.  Do we want to send these children to whatever adult living environment having been coddled or do we want to send them with as many skills as possible?    

    When I sit down with parents, I always ask what chores does your child do at home?  Very often the answer is that the child is not able to do chores.  Even a child in a wheel chair can have someone put plates in a basket and be taught to bring them to the table to be a part of the family.  I explain that the chores may need to be assisted and may not be done to the standard the parents are used to, but it is important the children learn to have responsibilities and be a part of the family unit.  Most children can be taught to dust if someone clears off all the items in the way. Pushing a vacuum is simple and fun. Learning to set and clear the table is a life skill everyone needs.  Once I explain this, it is amazing how excited parents are when they come back and tell me how well things are going.  Just start out small with guidance and everyone can come out feeling more ready for the future.