Have a Low Stress Thanksgiving

   I am sorry I am late posting today.  I was busy like many of you getting ready for guests and the holiday.  for those of you trying to juggle the festivities while worrying about the needs of your special  child I have one small piece of advice.  Enjoy! Enjoy your child, your family and your holiday.  Do not stress over spills and messes.  Do no stress over what the family will think or the impression your child needs to make.  This is not a time for your child to prove how much they have grown or for family and friends to be judging you and your child.  If they are, let them and know they are not living in your shoes.  Listen and smile then toss their uninformed, inexperienced, ignorant advice into the recycling bin and walk away knowing that you are the bigger person. Enjoy watching your child bask in the attention showered on them and see the love that surrounds you.

I wish you and your family a happy Thanksgiving.

Tired of Always Being the Enforcer?

                Some days I get tired of being the mean one. I would love to turn a blind eye to behaviors in class and just let them go.  Is it really hurting anyone?  I stop and think, yes, I would be hurting my student by not teaching them the independence they deserve or the socially skills to be accepted by their peers.  So I suck it up put on my big girl pants and become the corrector of behavior, the enforcer of independence, the TEACHER! 

                Being a caregiver or teacher of a special needs child is an exhausting job.  There is no down time when you can say I’m tired let’s just put on a movie and pass out snacks.  I won’t have to do anything then.  Let’s go over all the lessons that have to be reinforced during this down time event: personal space, hands to yourself, quiet during a movie, assistance with snack packages, assistance with choosing snacks, proper eating (mouth closed, no slurping), restroom breaks, proper way to address someone who is bothering you, proper way to respond to someone who asks you to stop something that is bothering them, to name a few.  There are positive ways to do all of this: by praising those who are doing things correctly, thanking a student when they do it correctly etc, but it is still a constant teaching moment.  There are times when it can feel overwhelming, and then you see it, your student who never  walked around a conversation and always walked right between people talking, he walks around two teachers talking all on his own and you cry.  You know it is all worth it.

                Our job is so much more than reading, writing, and arithmetic. Our job is to help our students in every facet of their life become as independent and socially accepted as possible.  We hear about the wonderful people and organizations who reach out to our kids. and I am so thank full for them, but we have to do our part to teach our kids to come as far as they can to meet them in the middle.  For some eating with their mouth closed may not be possible, but for many it is. It just takes time to be reinforced and think how much better their life will be if they do.  How many more people in the work place will want to eat with them.   Teaching students how to take turns and how to not always be the winner will give them the ability as adults to have full social lives.  The simple act of covering a sneeze and using a tissue makes it so people do not walk away from you.  While these tiny things are easy to over  look they are the things that will make our kids accepted or not as adults.  One thing I try to keep in mind is what is cute now or accepted now, will it be as an adult?  If the answer is no. then it is not acceptable now.  I cannot reinforce something now that will not be acceptable later because it is so much harder to unlearn later. 

  So while I may get tire of being the bad guy from time to time,  I try to remember my young man  simply walked around a conversation on his on, or my young lady who can now ask for help on her own when she couldn't before. Or a multitude of other firsts and then I pull up my big girl pants an move on.

     

           

               

     

Helping See the Way to the Future

  When a child is diagnosed with a disability,  a family goes through a morning process.  They are morning the child they thought they were going to have as well as the life they thought their child would have. As with any emotional process this takes different people different amounts of time, and they do this in different ways.  As teachers we have to be sensitive to where parents are in this process, while still being sure to help them insure the best for their child’s future. 

    One of the earliest bridges to cross with this is getting them to sign up for housing and services lists.  These lists can be 10-15 years long. Each state has their own system and organizations, but it is important to get parents to sign up for these services.  Some parent will say that they are planning to have their child live with them or do not need the services. No one knows what the future hold.  Families can always turn down the services once their name comes up or defer services, but if they are never on the list, the options are closed for 10-15 years.  One way to put it to a parent is that it is a kind of insurance policy in case something was to happen to them.  There is a backup plan.  It is very hard for  many parents  to think of their own mortality at this point or what would happen to their child.  It is our responsibility to ease them into thinking about this, and help guide them to where they need to go.

   As children start to get older the legalities and issues get more complicated.  There are issues with guardianship, social security and other living arrangements.  Some parents are open to discussing these issues, while others are not. It becomes very complicated to take custody away from an adult if it is not done before the child turns 18. Being honest about the process is the best idea.  There is plenty of information about guardianship and social security available to parents, and they need to access it early to understand it all. Your job is to give them the informational resources, not to advise on financial or legal options.  Be honest about the child’s ability levels so they can make informed decisions.

  Our job as special educators goes far beyond just books.  It is our responsibility too get our kids and parents ready for life after school.

Holiday Guest: Little Preparation Can Add to the Joy

                Holiday time can be stressful for anyone. When you have a child with special needs, the stress multiplies. The idea of having so many different, often new, faces around your child can add anxiety to any family event.  I came across this with my own children, and they are not special needs.  I had taught my children they do not have to give anyone a hug and kiss or accept one from anyone if they do not feel comfortable.  As you can imagine, this did not go over very well with some family members.  My thinking was that we spend so much time telling them how to say no about physical contact, they should always have that right.  Looking back, there were some things I could have done to make things go smoother.  I want to share those with you.

      The world has changed greatly over the past two generations.  It used to be that extended families all lived in the same towns and neighborhoods.  This is no longer the case.  Often times when family gets together, children are meeting family members for the first time or do not remember the last time they were together.  To these children, the family members are strangers.  In their minds, we do not hug and kiss strangers.  They have been taught to stay away from strangers.  It takes time to make friends and get to know these people. This can be a tough concept for some family members to accept. Be sure to explain this to your visitors before you get together. Take time to tell them what kind of relationship and reaction they can expect from your child.  Set up boundaries before they come.  Explain to them that these are not permanent, but if they want a good relationship with your child, this is the best way to build it.  Let your family know you will be doing some work with your child ahead of time to help quicken the process along. Hopefully this will make everyone understand and work together.

     Before everyone gets together, do some homework with your child to prepare them and have them get to know the people who are coming.  In this way they will not seem like strangers the first time they meet.  Find pictures of everyone who will be getting together so that faces will be familiar.  Tell your child stories about each of the people.  Help your child get to know what kind of person each family member is.  Be sure to keep your own feelings out of the stories if there is any bad blood and keep things positive.  You are working to make this experience as positive as possible.  Have your child talk to people on the phone or better yet face time when possible.  Take the time to do some relationship building before to make the holidays stronger than ever when they roll around.